MARCH 17, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: Maduro's Coercive Election Strategy Revealed. Impact: If Maduro hadn't coerced voters with doctors, perhaps Venezuela would have a better healthcare system, leading to a population that's not just surviving but thriving. Imagine a world where they don’t have to vote for their healthcare like it’s a game show prize.. Fact: Did you know that coercing people with medical care is a great way to ensure they vote? Just ask any dystopian novelist!.
• Headline: Nathan Chen Balances Yale and Championships. Impact: Nathan Chen competing at Yale made figure skating seem like an Ivy League sport. The next generation of skaters may now feel pressured to recite Shakespeare while executing a triple axel.. Fact: Fun fact: Yale students have been known to juggle their academic responsibilities, but Nathan literally juggles figure skating and elite education. Talk about multitasking!.
• Headline: Dance Meets Horror in Climax. Impact: Gaspar Noé's dance-horror fusion might just inspire a new trend where dance recitals come with a side of existential dread. Imagine parents cheering while secretly questioning their life choices.. Fact: Did you know that combining horror and dance is an ancient practice? Just look at The Nutcracker—ever met a child who wasn’t terrified of the Mouse King?.
• Headline: Boeing Black Box Data Shows Similarities Between Ethiopian and Lion Air Crashes. Impact: The similarities between the Ethiopian and Lion Air crashes might just lead to a world where airlines finally take safety seriously. Or maybe they’ll just add more ‘caution’ stickers to the planes.. Fact: Did you know that black boxes are actually indestructible? Too bad they can’t be used to fix the problems that lead to their existence in the first place..
• Headline: U.S. Campaign to Ban Huawei Overseas Stumbles as Allies Resist. Impact: The stumbling of the U.S. campaign to ban Huawei could lead to a future where our smartphones are smarter than our foreign policy. Maybe we'll just end up with more TikTok dances and less security.. Fact: Fun fact: Huawei's name translates to 'China can do it.' So, maybe the real problem is that they’re just too good at everything. Better watch out, Apple!.