MARCH 9, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: Manafort's Sentence: A National Controversy. Impact: Manafort's slap on the wrist sent shockwaves through the legal system, prompting lawyers everywhere to start practicing their best baffled faces for court. This ultimately led to a rise in law school applications from aspiring comedians.. Fact: Did you know that the average person spends more time deciding what to have for lunch than the judicial system spent on Manafort's sentence?.
• Headline: New Rules for College Athlete Compensation. Impact: The ruling against the NCAA was like a pebble thrown into a pond of college sports, creating waves that inspired a generation of college athletes to demand payment. In a parallel universe, athletes now negotiate contracts with their schools over gourmet meal options.. Fact: Did you know that the NCAA once thought it was a good idea to make athletes pay for their own uniforms? Because nothing says 'amateur' like a $100 jersey!.
• Headline: The Bull Market Began 10 Years Ago. Why Aren’t More People Celebrating?. Impact: The subdued celebration of the bull market led to conspiracy theories that the rich were hoarding happiness like it was a limited edition collectible, which in turn made them more suspicious of sharing their toys. Thus, the 'wealthy hermit' trend was born.. Fact: Did you know that economists have a special term for the feelings of discomfort caused by watching the rich get richer? It's called 'Tuesday.'.
• Headline: In Silicon Valley, Plans for a Monument to Silicon Valley. Impact: The monument to Silicon Valley became a global trend, inspiring tech hubs worldwide to erect statues of their own, leading to a bizarre collection of tech-related landmarks that now includes a giant computer mouse in every major city. Talk about a click-bait!. Fact: Did you know that Silicon Valley's idea of a monument is just a giant iPhone with a cracked screen? Because even tech icons need to feel relatable..