FEBRUARY 23, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: Kraft's Strategy for Future Consumer Trends. Impact: Kraft's attempts to cut costs lead to the ultimate creation of 'Kraft Mac and Cheese-flavored air'. Consumers, believing they were getting a deal, end up inhaling their nostalgia and becoming air connoisseurs, effectively creating a black market for flavored air across the globe. Fact: Did you know that Kraft's macaroni and cheese has been a staple in American diets since 1937? It's basically the comfort food equivalent of a warm hug, if that hug were neon orange and came in a box.
• Headline: Kraft's Leadership Under Scrutiny Again. Impact: Roger Goodell’s handling of Robert Kraft's situation leads to the emergence of a secret society of disgraced owners who meet in underground basements, sipping overpriced whiskey while plotting their next scandal. The NFL then becomes an elite game of chess played with real people. Fact: Did you know that Robert Kraft once bought the New England Patriots for $172 million? Nowadays, that's like pocket change for a stadium hotdog at a game.
• Headline: The San Vicente Bungalows: Hollywood’s New Clubhouse. Impact: The San Vicente Bungalows' strict no-phone policy sparks a revolution where celebrities actually start talking to each other again, leading to a new wave of unscripted reality shows centered on their awkward conversations, which somehow become award-winning. Fact: Did you know that banning cameraphones is basically the modern version of the 'no photos' rule at a fancy restaurant? It’s like saying, 'This meal is too good for social media!'.