FEBRUARY 14, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trump's Struggle with Border Funding Deal. Impact: If only Trump had invested more in a magic wall that could teleport immigrants instead of just a physical one, we might have avoided a diplomatic crisis that set off a butterfly effect of international negotiations, leading to the establishment of a new intergalactic immigration policy. Who knew walls could be so limiting?. Fact: Did you know that the wall Trump promised was made from a material known as 'disappointment'? It’s remarkably durable and has been used in many political campaigns since the dawn of time..
• Headline: Airbus A380 Retirement Announcement. Impact: The A380's retirement signals the end of an era where bigger was better. As a result, the aviation industry pivoted to smaller jets, which inadvertently led to the rise of in-flight yoga classes—because who doesn’t want to stretch in a cramped space?. Fact: Fun fact: The A380 could carry over 800 passengers at full capacity, which means it could have doubled as a mobile concert venue. Imagine that noise complaint!.
• Headline: Europe’s Middle Class Is Shrinking. Spain Bears Much of the Pain.. Impact: Spain's shrinking middle class has set off a series of events leading to the rise of a new trend: the 'employed but broke' lifestyle, inspiring countless Instagram influencers to promote minimalism through their empty bank accounts.. Fact: Surprisingly, Spain has a long tradition of tapas, which is basically a way to embrace the art of eating less—perfect for a shrinking middle class. Who knew poverty could be so gourmet?.
• Headline: A Locked Door, a Fire and 41 Girls Killed as Police Stood By. Impact: The tragedy at the government-run home ignited a worldwide movement for child welfare reform, leading to a future where government officials are required to take mandatory empathy courses. Ironically, this would eventually lead to a shortage of empty suits in politics.. Fact: It's a grim reality, but did you know that in the world of social reform, it often takes a tragedy to spark the change that should have happened long before? History really knows how to make a point, doesn't it?.