JANUARY 27, 2019

Full News Archive

• Headline: U.S. Allies Unite Against Huawei's 5G Influence. Impact: The U.S. rallying against Huawei led to a tech cold war that made everyone paranoid about their Wi-Fi. In a twist of fate, it also sparked a global obsession with 'secure' flip phones, sending retro tech sales through the roof.. Fact: Did you know that flip phones are making a comeback? Thank Huawei for making nostalgia cool again!.
• Headline: Potential Cure for Sickle-Cell Disease Unveiled. Impact: If successful, this therapy could have catalyzed a medical revolution, leading to a future where people actually look forward to their doctor visits—an unprecedented outcome that would leave medical students scratching their heads.. Fact: Fun fact: If you think genetic cures are the future, just wait until they start charging you for them like they do for Netflix subscriptions!.
• Headline: The World Economy Just Can’t Escape Its Low-Growth, Low-Inflation Rut. Impact: The continued low-growth, low-inflation rut could inadvertently lead to the rise of a new economic philosophy that advocates for 'spending less,' which is sure to baffle economists for decades to come.. Fact: Did you know that 'spending less' is basically just a fancy way of saying 'welcome to poverty'? Enjoy your stay!.
• Headline: Review: ‘I Am the Night’ Stitches Together Los Angeles Neo-Noir Clichés. Impact: As more people tuned in to 'I Am the Night', it inadvertently spawned a wave of amateur detectives who became convinced they could solve the Black Dahlia case from their living rooms, leading to an oversaturation of conspiracy theories.. Fact: Funny enough, watching too much neo-noir might just qualify as a new form of procrastination. But hey, who needs productivity when you can solve murders from your couch?.