DECEMBER 29, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Federal Workers Face Uncertainty Amid Shutdown. Impact: The government shutdown led to a series of unprecedented events, including the rise of a new underground economy based on bartering federal worker skills. Soon, 'Shutdown Services' became the hottest black market trend, with people trading resumes for groceries.. Fact: Did you know that government shutdowns are like a never-ending game of freeze tag? You just hope you’re not the last one left out in the cold while the ‘grown-ups’ play politics..
• Headline: The President's Visit to War Zones. Impact: The President's trip sparked a viral meme that changed how future leaders approach military engagements. 'Field Trip Fridays' became an actual policy initiative, resulting in awkward photo ops with troops everywhere. Spoiler alert: they didn’t enjoy it.. Fact: Did you know that 'Thank you for your service' is officially the most frequently said phrase in awkward situations? It’s basically the polite way of saying, 'I'm really uncomfortable, please go away.'.
• Headline: Ghosn Daughters Claim Nissan's Revolt Behind Arrest. Impact: The Ghosn saga led to a conspiracy theorist's dream, with people suggesting that the automotive industry was secretly run by a cabal of rogue robots. This, of course, led to an unexpected boom in the sales of tin foil hats.. Fact: Did you know that Carlos Ghosn was once the CEO of both Nissan and Renault? That’s like being in a polyamorous relationship with two car companies. Imagine the drama during board meetings!.
• Headline: Kamala Harris, Elizabeth Warren and Other Democrats Shift Into High Gear for 2020. Impact: The 2020 Democratic race marked the start of political influencers becoming a thing, leading to an era where social media likes became more important than actual voting. 'Vote for me' soon turned into 'like for me' in a bizarre twist of democracy.. Fact: Did you know that every time a new candidate enters the race, a baby boomer loses their mind over the ‘good ol’ days’ of politics? It’s like watching a vintage car show but with more yelling..
• Headline: He Was a Gay Man on Staff at a Catholic Parish. Then the Threats Began Coming In.. Impact: The rising tension within the church led to a schism that created a new denomination: the Church of the Open Door, where the only qualification for membership was that you had to be really, really nice. Who would have thought kindness could spark a religious revolution?. Fact: Did you know that being gay in some parishes is like being vegan at a barbecue? You just know you’re going to get some side-eye and a slightly overcooked veggie burger..