DECEMBER 28, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Manhattan Real Estate Market Cools Down. Impact: The slowdown in Manhattan real estate led to a chain reaction where hipsters abandoned their craft cocktail bars in search of affordable rent, ultimately causing a global shortage of ironic mustaches.. Fact: Did you know that in Manhattan, a 'slow' real estate market still costs more than your firstborn child? Better luck in the next life!.
• Headline: Sir Shadow and the Bowery Flophouses. Impact: Sir Shadow's stand against gentrification inspired a global movement, leading to a resurgence of flophouse culture, where hipsters now pay premium prices for the privilege of sleeping in 'authentic' derelict hotels.. Fact: Fun fact: the Bowery flophouses were once the epitome of despair, but now they’re a trendy backdrop for Instagram photos. Progress?.
• Headline: Tesla Rushes to Boost Sales Before Tax Changes. Impact: Tesla’s scramble to sell cars led to an unexpected boom in the underground market for electric vehicles, with people trading them for artisanal vegan cheese and hand-knitted scarves.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more powerful than a Tesla is the guilt you feel when you realize you can't afford one? Truly shocking!.
• Headline: Sears Is Dying, but Workers’ Loyalty Lives On. Impact: As Sears dies, its loyal workers become the unofficial historians of retail, leading to a resurgence in nostalgia that inspires future generations to open stores selling 'vintage' items like VHS tapes and rotary phones.. Fact: Did you know that Sears was once the Amazon of its time? Now it’s just a sad reminder that not all empires last forever—especially the ones that sold lawnmowers..
• Headline: ‘I Feel Invisible’: Native Students Languish in Public Schools. Impact: The neglect faced by Native students ignited a grassroots campaign that eventually leads to the establishment of 'Native Pride' schools, where students learn not just academics, but also how to navigate systemic barriers with style.. Fact: It's tragic but true: the invisibility of these students has been so profound that even their shadows have started to file complaints about discrimination..