DECEMBER 27, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Sound of Silence Unveiled. Impact: If only people had known that turning off their gadgets wouldn't just make for a better sleep environment, but also create a global market for overpriced sleep masks and white noise machines. Thanks, insomnia industry!. Fact: Did you know that 'The Sound of Silence' was actually about people ignoring their alarm clocks? Because nothing says 'good morning' like a snooze button!.
• Headline: First Woman to Lead N.Y. Senate. Impact: Andrea Stewart-Cousins leading the NY Senate could be the butterfly that flaps its wings and inspires women to take over the world... or at least the state legislature. Who knows? Next stop: a female president?. Fact: Did you know that the last time a woman led a legislative chamber in New York, it was probably to tell men to stop hogging all the coffee?.
• Headline: Minnesota Town Defamed by German Reporter Is Ready to Forgive. Impact: The defamation of Fergus Falls might spark a movement to protect small towns from the wrath of snarky international reporters. Who needs bad publicity when you can just ignore the internet altogether?. Fact: Did you know that Fergus Falls residents considered naming a local dish after the German reporter, but decided that would be too risqué?.
• Headline: Remember Bitcoin? Some Investors Might Want to Forget. Impact: The rise and fall of Bitcoin could be the spark that leads to a dystopian future where people barter with memes instead of currency. Forget gold; invest in cat videos!. Fact: Did you know that some investors still believe in Bitcoin the way you believe in your ex? You hope they’ll rise again, but deep down, you know it’s over..