DECEMBER 21, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Troop Withdrawal from Afghanistan Announced. Impact: When the U.S. decided to withdraw troops from Afghanistan, it set off a chain of events that led to every subsequent generation of teenagers thinking they could just up and leave school whenever they wanted. Talk about a butterfly effect, huh?. Fact: Did you know that pulling out of Afghanistan was like trying to leave a party early? You just know it’s going to be awkward and everyone will ask why you didn’t finish that last slice of cake..
• Headline: Dick Van Dyke on ‘Mary Poppins Returns’ and Dancing at 93. Impact: Dick Van Dyke dancing at 93 sparked a global trend of elderly people attempting to break dance—resulting in both viral videos and a surge in hip replacement surgeries. Thanks, Dick.. Fact: Did you know that Van Dyke is practically a national treasure? At this rate, he'll outlive the sun and still be dancing while telling us how to get our accents right..
• Headline: What Is Glitter?. Impact: The inquiry into glitter led to a worldwide obsession with sparkly crafts, which subsequently caused a glitter shortage and a dark age of dull parties. Thanks, science!. Fact: Did you know that glitter is actually made from tiny pieces of plastic? So basically, when you craft with glitter, you're just spreading tiny bits of environmental regret everywhere..