DECEMBER 11, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Lobbyists Exploit U.S. Sanctions for Relief. Impact: As lobbyists with Trump ties successfully navigate the maze of sanctions, they inadvertently create a new career path for aspiring influencers. Fast forward a few decades, and we have 'Sanction Influencers' on TikTok, giving tips on how to charm your way out of international penalties with just a wink and a smile.. Fact: Did you know that lobbying is basically the adult version of 'Can I see your ID?' at the club? Just a lot more expensive and with less dancing..
• Headline: Mini Satellites Revolutionize Space Exploration. Impact: The invention of mini satellites leads to a future where everyone has a satellite in their backyard, resulting in the Great Backyard Space Race of 2045. Fast-food chains even start offering satellite-launching services with every combo meal.. Fact: Did you know that in 2020, you could literally launch a satellite made from pizza boxes? Well, if you could afford the launch fee—and a pizza..
• Headline: Exploring Chandigarh's Unique Landscapes. Impact: Chandigarh becomes the go-to city for urban planners worldwide, creating a booming industry for faux 'organized' cities. Eventually, we see a rise in 'planned chaos' tourism, where people pay to visit cities that look organized but are actually just an elaborate prank.. Fact: Did you know that Chandigarh was designed by a Swiss architect? Which is why its organization is so precise, it could probably win a gold medal in the Olympics for planning..
• Headline: 2020 Democrats Face a Vexing Issue: Big Money From the Rich. Impact: As Democrats wrestle with the influence of big money, a secret society of rich donors forms, leading to the creation of the 'Super PAC Underworld.' This group eventually becomes a reality show sensation, highlighting the absurdity of wealth in politics.. Fact: Did you know that if you stacked all the money from super PACs, you could build a small island? Of course, it would just be a sad reminder of how politics works..
• Headline: Trump Threatens Shutdown in Combative Appearance With Democrats. Impact: Trump's threats of a government shutdown lead to a dystopian future where people start hoarding toilet paper as a form of currency. Eventually, 'toilet paper stocks' become a thing, proving once again that people will panic over anything.. Fact: Did you know that during shutdowns, federal employees can apply for unemployment benefits? Which is just a fancy way of saying, 'Hey, the government can't pay you, but we have some free advice for you!'.