DECEMBER 4, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Empowering Mental Health Patients' Choices. Impact: If only everyone had advance directives for their snacks before a binge, we might have avoided the Great Potato Chip Crisis of 2032, where all stores ran out of dip because someone forgot to specify their preferences!. Fact: Did you know that the term 'hallucination' comes from the Latin word 'hallucinari,' which means 'to wander in the mind'? Kind of like all of us scrolling through social media at 2 AM!.
• Headline: China's Quantum Encryption Advancements. Impact: This quantum encryption race could lead to a future where the only way to keep secrets is to write them on a piece of paper and bury it in your backyard. But then again, what’s a little dirt and rodents for privacy?. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'quantum' is derived from the Latin word for 'how many'—which is ironic because no one seems to know how many security breaches are out there!.
• Headline: Marriott Data Breach Sparks Passport Concerns. Impact: This hack might just inspire a new travel trend: going off-grid and leaving your passport at home. Who needs to fly anyway when you can explore the depths of your living room couch?. Fact: Did you know that the first recorded data breach happened in 1984? It involved a hacker stealing credit card information from an online service called 'CompuServe.' They probably thought they were being super sneaky, but we all know the internet always remembers!.
• Headline: Why Michael Cohen, Trump’s Fixer, Confessed to It All. Impact: Cohen’s confession could lead to a trend where every politician hires a fixer just to confess guilt quicker. Imagine the campaign ads: 'Vote for me! I confess to all the things!'. Fact: Here’s a fun twist: Michael Cohen once said he wouldn't go to jail for Trump. Turns out, he just didn’t want to miss out on the best Netflix shows while serving time!.
• Headline: Review: In ‘The Cher Show,’ I Got You, Babe. And You. And You.. Impact: This Broadway show might inspire a whole series of 'juke box musicals' about other celebrities, leading to a future where every historical figure has a musical number. Watch out, Abraham Lincoln: 'Four Score and More: The Musical' is coming!. Fact: Did you know that Cher holds the record for the most number one hits on the Billboard Hot 100? So, if you're ever feeling down, just remember: you could be in a worse situation than being overshadowed by a 72-year-old pop icon in a sequin dress!.