NOVEMBER 16, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hockney's $90 Million Auction Milestone. Impact: Hockney's painting sold for $90 million, which led to an eccentric billionaire deciding to buy a pet octopus to match his new art collection. This octopus later inspired a line of fashion accessories, sending a wave of tentacle-themed clothing across the globe.. Fact: Did you know that for $90 million, you could buy a small island? But hey, who needs property when you can own a piece of canvas with splashes of color?.
• Headline: Theresa May Faces Brexit Challenges. Impact: Theresa May's struggles sent shockwaves through the EU, leading to a secret coalition of British squirrels who banded together to promote Brexit-themed nut parties. They ultimately became the most influential political group in Britain.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more chaotic than Brexit negotiations is trying to assemble IKEA furniture without instructions. Good luck, Theresa!.
• Headline: The Prom: A Musical Journey. Impact: The success of 'The Prom' led to a nationwide trend of people suddenly embracing jazz hands, causing an unexpected shortage of hand sanitizer as everyone tried to twirl and snap their way through life.. Fact: Did you know that jazz hands were originally designed to distract audiences from the existential dread of the human condition? Who knew they could be so helpful!.
• Headline: Louis Armstrong’s Life in Letters, Music and Art. Impact: Louis Armstrong’s letters and music became so influential that they inadvertently inspired a generation of hipsters to start playing the trumpet in coffee shops, leading to a global shortage of earplugs.. Fact: Did you know that if you stacked all of Louis Armstrong's musical notes, they would reach the moon? Or at least that's what every overzealous music teacher would have you believe!.
• Headline: He Was 302 Pounds, but in This Battle, He’s David and Not Goliath. Impact: Eric Winston's battle against billionaire owners sparked a movement of NFL players taking up knitting as a form of protest. This unexpected hobby led to the creation of the world's first knitted football, which was promptly banned for being too soft.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing tougher than an NFL player's body is his will to keep his favorite snacks away from the 'healthy' options in the locker room..