NOVEMBER 13, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: California Wildfire Death Toll Rises to 44. Impact: The tragic loss of life led to increased funding for fire safety and prevention measures. This, in turn, sparked a massive surge in the employment of firefighters, leading to the creation of the world's first Firefighter Reality TV Show, 'Flames of Fame'.. Fact: Despite the fiery nature of wildfires, they can actually help certain plant species germinate. Talk about a hot comeback!.
• Headline: Impact of Trump's Tax Cut on Corporations. Impact: The tax cut led to a bizarre chain reaction where companies began hoarding cash like they were preparing for a zombie apocalypse. This eventually resulted in a shortage of cash in the economy and the creation of a new currency: 'Corporate Monopoly Money'.. Fact: It’s ironic how a tax cut meant to stimulate the economy led to companies investing in stock buybacks, which is like giving someone a new toy and watching them just stare at it..
• Headline: Republicans' Tactics Against Florida Recount. Impact: The strategy to discredit recounts created a blueprint for future political shenanigans, resulting in a reality where every election has its own conspiracy theorists, and polling stations began offering 'tinfoil hats' as a complimentary item.. Fact: In 2000, the hanging chads were so iconic they could have had their own reality show. 'Dancing with the Chads' could have been a hit!.
• Headline: Facebook Failed to Police How Its Partners Handled User Data. Impact: Facebook's data mishaps led to a future where everyone became overly cautious about sharing their brunch photos, resulting in a 'digital shyness' pandemic where social media was replaced by interpretive dance as a means of communication.. Fact: Facebook's motto should be 'We’ll keep your secrets... unless we don’t feel like it.'.
• Headline: WeWork’s Rise: How a Sublet Start-Up Is Taking Over. Impact: WeWork's rise sparked a trend of extreme co-living spaces where even pets were required to share a cubicle, leading to the first corporate doggy daycare that doubled as a therapy session for stressed-out millennial workers.. Fact: WeWork's actual business model seems to be 'Let’s see how many people we can cram into one space and call it networking!'.