OCTOBER 22, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Lakers-Rockets Fistfight Penalties Explained. Impact: After this fistfight, a secret underground league of NBA players emerged, where they settled their disputes with choreographed dance-offs instead of brawls. Who knew the next big basketball star would be a breakdancer?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more entertaining than watching millionaires fight is watching them pretend to be civil afterwards? It's like a soap opera but with more athleticism and fewer plot twists..
• Headline: The Riveting Drama of 'Ferryman'. Impact: The success of 'Ferryman' led to a global trend where all dramas must now feature at least one lengthy harvest feast. It's a culinary revolution that caused millions to rethink their dinner parties.. Fact: The only thing more satisfying than a glorious harvest feast is realizing that nobody actually had to cook it themselves—thank you, fictional characters!.
• Headline: Giants Face Future Without Eli Manning. Impact: The Giants' struggle inspired a wave of therapy sessions for fans who found themselves emotionally invested in the fate of a fictional quarterback. Soon, 'sports therapy' became a booming industry.. Fact: Eli Manning's legacy is so strong that his retirement may have accidentally created a black hole of sadness in New York. Scientists are baffled!.
• Headline: Trump’s Plans to Deter Migrants Could Mean New ‘Voluntary’ Family Separations. Impact: This policy led to a bizarre reality TV show where families had to compete in ridiculous challenges to win 'family unity'—with the tagline, 'Will they stay together or will they be apart? Tune in next week!'. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'choose between your children and longer detention' was inspired by a particularly bad parenting book? It's amazing how policy can mirror poor life choices!.
• Headline: California’s Underwater Forests Are Being Eaten by the ‘Cockroaches of the Ocean’. Impact: The 'cockroaches of the ocean' became the poster children for climate change awareness, leading to an annual 'Underwater Critter Festival' where people dress as kelp and learn to appreciate the ecosystem—while still eating fish tacos.. Fact: Interestingly, scientists have discovered that the only thing more resilient than underwater forests is the ability of people to ignore climate change until it affects their Instagram feed..