JULY 24, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Google's Resilience Post $5.1 Billion Fine. Impact: Google's nonchalant attitude towards fines paved the way for future tech giants to adopt a strategy of 'pay the fine, keep the profits.' Fast forward a few decades, and we witness a world where fines are just the cost of doing business, like a subscription fee for being a monopoly.. Fact: Did you know that in the future, Google will create a 'Fine Payment Plan' where they offer discounts on fines if you use their service? Because why not turn penalties into a marketing opportunity?.
• Headline: Trump's Twitter Tensions with Iran. Impact: Trump's ambiguous tweets became a template for future leaders, leading to an era where clarity was sacrificed at the altar of social media engagement. This eventually resulted in global leaders communicating exclusively through memes and GIFs.. Fact: Did you know that in the future, diplomatic relations will be conducted entirely through TikTok dances? Forget about treaties; it's all about the choreography!.
• Headline: Examining Privilege in 'Straight White Men'. Impact: The play 'Straight White Men' opened the floodgates for discussions on privilege, eventually leading to an entire genre of theater dedicated to self-reflection. Years later, audiences will sit through 10-hour epics about the existential dread of being a privileged potato.. Fact: Did you know that in the future, there will be a Broadway show titled 'Straight White Potatoes,' where spuds grapple with their identity? Because of course, everything's a metaphor now!.
• Headline: Jane Austen’s First Buyer? Probably a Prince She Hated. Impact: Jane Austen's secret royal admirer ignited a chain reaction of literary intrigue, leading future authors to hide their buyers’ identities in hopes of attracting more scandal and intrigue, ultimately resulting in a reality show about famous author relationships.. Fact: Did you know that in the future, Jane Austen will be sought after by a modern-day prince who thinks he can win her over with Instagram likes? Spoiler: it doesn't work..
• Headline: The Comedy-Destroying, Soul-Affirming Art of Hannah Gadsby. Impact: Hannah Gadsby's 'Nanette' changed the comedy landscape, leading to a movement where comedians now prioritizes mental health over punchlines. In the future, stand-up routines will include mandatory therapy sessions before the show.. Fact: Did you know that in the future, 'Nanette' will be required viewing for comedians, along with a course in emotional vulnerability? Because laughter is now officially therapy!.