JULY 23, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Review: Smokey Joe's Cafe Highlights Classics. Impact: The frenetic pace of this show caused a nationwide shortage of breath mints as audiences gasped in disbelief at the sheer joy of 40 songs in rapid succession, inadvertently creating a mint monopoly.. Fact: Fun fact: the only thing faster than the pace of this show is the rate at which nostalgia becomes a tired trope. Who knew reliving the past could be so exhausting?.
• Headline: Cohen's Deceptive Comedy Targets Republicans. Impact: Cohen's antics led to a surge in Republicans hiring private investigators to check if their own reflections were actually pranks, creating a boom in the conspiracy theory industry.. Fact: Did you know that in a parallel universe, Sacha Baron Cohen is actually a respected historian? Oh wait, that’s not how history works—never mind..
• Headline: Finding Yourself in Los Angeles. Impact: This quest for quiet in a noisy city sparked a trend where Angelenos began charging for guided tours of their own existential crises, complete with artisanal lattes.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing harder to find in L.A. than yourself is a parking spot that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg? Good luck with that journey!.
• Headline: They Vowed to Fix the Subway a Year Ago. On-Time Rates Are Still Terrible.. Impact: The subway's ongoing delays led to an uptick in people walking, which inadvertently caused a spike in fitness levels among New Yorkers—who knew public transit could be a gym membership?. Fact: Fun fact: the subway's motto should be 'Faster than a turtle on a leisurely stroll!' At least turtles don’t charge you for the privilege of waiting..