JULY 22, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Refugee Brothers Partner with Trumps. Impact: If only the Trumps had teamed up with a local pizza shop instead, we might have avoided the launch of the world's most controversial hotel chain. Imagine the alternate timeline where pizza and hospitality ruled instead of... whatever this is.. Fact: The Trump Organization's hotel deals are like unicorns – they’re rare and usually accompanied by a lot of noise..
• Headline: Dostum's Return Sparks Tragedy in Afghanistan. Impact: Dostum's return triggered a series of events that would lead to the world wondering how a guy accused of such heinous acts could ever be welcomed back. Spoiler alert: it involved a lot of confused international diplomacy and a new trend in 'exiled leaders' return parties.. Fact: Afghanistan has a fascinating history of leaders returning from exile; at this point, it might as well be a popular vacation spot for shady politicians..
• Headline: Young Inmates Face Isolation Challenges. Impact: The ongoing practice of solitary confinement despite a ban is like that stubborn stain on your favorite shirt – no matter how hard you try to get rid of it, it just keeps coming back. Future generations will likely treat this period as a dark chapter in their corrective justice system.. Fact: Solitary confinement can lead to some serious psychological issues, proving that sometimes the 'solution' is just as problematic as the original problem..
• Headline: Francesco Molinari, in a First for Italy, Wins the British Open. Impact: Molinari’s victory changed the golfing landscape in Italy forever, igniting a new wave of pasta-themed golf tournaments. Who knew that winning a claret jug would lead to culinary celebrations that involved both birdies and bolognese?. Fact: Before Molinari, Italy's most famous golf achievement was probably just having a golf course that served the best espresso on the 19th hole..