JULY 7, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Pruitt's Aides and Their Role in Scandal. Impact: The fallout from Pruitt’s aides realizing they weren’t actually living in a reality TV show propelled them to find jobs in more stable alternate dimensions, inadvertently leading to the rise of competent bureaucrats in government.. Fact: Scott Pruitt once spent $43,000 on a soundproof phone booth. Because, you know, nothing says 'I’m not hiding anything' like a literal fortress of solitude..
• Headline: Jim Jordan Faces Allegations of Abuse Cover-Up. Impact: Jim Jordan’s defiance inspired a new generation of conspiracy theorists, leading to the establishment of a 'Deep State' book club that only reads fictional accounts of government cover-ups.. Fact: Jim Jordan once claimed he didn’t know about the abuse on his wrestling team, but if ignorance is bliss, that must mean he’s the happiest guy in Ohio..
• Headline: North Korea's Response to U.S. Negotiations. Impact: North Korea’s 'gangster-like' rhetoric toward the U.S. sparked a trend in international diplomacy, leading to world leaders adopting more dramatic personas—think 'The Godfather' meets 'The Apprentice'.. Fact: The term 'gangster-like' in diplomatic talks was later used to describe the negotiations that went nowhere, but at least it made for great headlines!.
• Headline: The Changing Face of Romance Novels. Impact: The shift toward diversity in romance novels led to an unexpected spike in readers looking for love advice from fictional characters, resulting in a new self-help genre: 'Dating Tips from Vampires and Aliens'.. Fact: Romance novels have been around for centuries, but only recently did they decide to include characters who aren’t just white, straight, and living in a mansion. Progress, am I right?.
• Headline: Oprah, Is That You? On Social Media, the Answer Is Often No.. Impact: The rise of fake celebrity accounts forced social media platforms to introduce 'verified' badges, which inadvertently led to the creation of a new reality TV show called 'Who’s Actually Famous?'.. Fact: Turns out, there are more fake Oprah accounts than there are actual Oprahs in the world. Talk about a plot twist!.