JUNE 27, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Historic AOC Victory Over Crowley. Impact: Ocasio-Cortez's victory sent shockwaves through the Democratic Party, leading to a cascade of grassroots movements across the nation. Little did they know, this would eventually spark a trend of too-cool-for-school politicians who think they can wear sneakers and still be taken seriously.. Fact: Did you know that before defeating Crowley, AOC probably had more Instagram followers than votes he had in his last unopposed election? Talk about a social media campaign!.
• Headline: Benicio Del Toro: Hollywood's Antihero Evolution. Impact: Benicio Del Toro's rise as an antihero inspired a slew of Hollywood films where the protagonists are just one bad decision away from becoming the villain. The butterfly flaps its wings, and suddenly, we have a world where every lead character is morally ambiguous and brooding.. Fact: Did you know that Del Toro's acting method involves channeling an inner beast? Too bad he doesn’t have a franchise for that—he’d be the leading candidate for the next 'Transformers' movie!.
• Headline: The Utopian Vision of Illuminati Tinder. Impact: The concept of 'Illuminati Tinder' spiraled into a world where dating apps became the new secret societies. Next thing you know, people are swiping left on potential world domination just to find a compatible partner who also loves conspiracy theories.. Fact: Did you know that the original Illuminati was actually just a group of intellectuals who wanted to discuss philosophy? Now it’s a dating app for those who think sharing a meme about world domination is romantic..
• Headline: We Have Reached Peak Screen. Now Revolution Is in the Air.. Impact: As screens peaked, the world became obsessed with finding ways to unplug. This ultimately led to the invention of 'digital detox retreats' where people pay exorbitant amounts to sit in silence and remember what real life was like—like a really expensive form of time travel.. Fact: Did you know that peak screen time resulted in more people talking to their plants than to each other? It's not just your houseplant that needs attention; it’s your social skills!.
• Headline: Trump Backs Softer Restrictions on Chinese Investment. Impact: Trump's softer stance on Chinese investment led to a confusing era where businesses were torn between wanting to make profits and not wanting to be part of a geopolitical soap opera. As a result, everyone started featuring a 'Made in America' label on products that were actually assembled in a secret bunker in Beijing.. Fact: Did you know that while Trump was busy softening restrictions, China was busy perfecting the art of the 'we'll just pretend we didn't hear that' approach to international relations? It’s like a diplomatic game of telephone!.