JUNE 14, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Impact of Trump's Influence on GOP Primaries. Impact: The lessons learned by Republicans in these primaries would echo through the ages, creating a timeline where Trump becomes a pop culture icon, thus leading to a future where politicians release their own reality TV shows to win votes. Imagine a world where debates involve more drama than a soap opera.. Fact: Did you know that if you cross Trump, you might just end up on a reality show where the only prize is a lifetime supply of bad press?.
• Headline: Rupert Friend Embraces a New Role. Impact: Rupert Friend’s desire to step back from killing off characters makes way for more humane roles in Hollywood, eventually leading to a future where all assassins become peace-loving yoga instructors. Who knew a shift in acting could save the world?. Fact: Did you know that playing a killer on-screen can be exhausting? Perhaps he should try a role where he just sits in a coffee shop contemplating life instead..
• Headline: Philharmonic's Dress Code Sparks Debate. Impact: The New York Philharmonic's sartorial choices for women would set off a global trend, leading to a world where pants become a symbol of female empowerment and skirts are relegated to the fashion dustbin. Who knew the future of women's rights hinged on fabric?. Fact: Did you know that the reason women in orchestras wear skirts is to distract from their superior talent? Apparently, it’s all about the illusion of elegance over actual skill..
• Headline: How Snapchat Makes Mini Movies in Augmented Reality. Impact: Snapchat's mini-movie revolution paves the way for a future where everyone communicates exclusively through 15-second clips, resulting in a society that struggles to comprehend full-length novels. The written word? So last century.. Fact: Did you know that 'mini-movies' are just long enough to make you feel something but too short to actually care? Welcome to the future of emotional engagement!.
• Headline: Stephen Bannon Buys Into Bitcoin. Impact: Stephen Bannon's foray into Bitcoin would spark a crypto craze that leads to a future where every conspiracy theorist has their own cryptocurrency, creating a bizarre economy based on memes and internet arguments. Welcome to the age of digital absurdity!. Fact: Did you know that investing in Bitcoin has become the new version of buying a lottery ticket? Spoiler alert: you’re still likely to end up broke!.