JUNE 3, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Breakthrough in Breast Cancer Treatment. Impact: This breakthrough led to a surge in funding for breast cancer research, resulting in a butterfly effect that eventually funded a wildly popular reality show about gene tests—'Gene or No Gene?' became a household name, spawning a new genre of medical entertainment.. Fact: Did you know that before gene testing became a thing, some doctors just flipped a coin? Okay, maybe not, but wouldn't that be a plot twist?.
• Headline: New Principal Initiatives and Investigative Challenges. Impact: The investigations into the principal's reforms led to a wave of 'Change Aversion' among educators, resulting in a nationwide trend of principals adopting the motto 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it'—which in many cases is just a clever way of saying, 'I like my office chair too much to risk change.'. Fact: Fun fact: Many school principals now have advanced degrees in 'Avoiding Accountability'—it's a hot new field!.
• Headline: A.T.F. Leniency Towards Illegal Gun Sales. Impact: Leniency in gun store punishments bred a new underground economy where gun stores became less like shops and more like 'secret clubs'—where the password is ‘not my problem’ and the dress code is 'don't ask, don’t tell.'. Fact: Did you know that if you break the law while selling guns, you might get a warning, but if you jaywalk, you could face the full wrath of the law? Priorities, right?.
• Headline: Kanye West Writes a Song of Himself on ‘Ye’. Impact: Kanye's self-absorption reached new heights, inspiring a generation of influencers to write songs about their own lives—resulting in a musical landscape filled with tracks like 'I Woke Up Like This' and 'My Morning Coffee is Life.'. Fact: Did you know that if you play Kanye's album backward, it reveals his deep-seated desire for a nap? Just kidding—it's just more Kanye..