MAY 3, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Amazon Halts Expansion Over Seattle Tax Debate. Impact: If Amazon hadn't paused their development plans, Seattle might have become the next Atlantis, submerged in skyscrapers and tech startups, drowning in a sea of delivery drones.. Fact: You know, it takes a special kind of dedication to make a city redesign its tax code just to keep a giant online store from taking over. Thanks, Seattle!.
• Headline: Giuliani's Contradictory Statement on Trump. Impact: Giuliani's revelation about the hush money payment led to a series of events that could fill a soap opera, potentially prompting future politicians to think twice before using 'The Godfather' as a guide to handling scandals.. Fact: Did you ever think a payment to an adult film star could lead to a political scandal? Welcome to America, where reality is stranger than fiction!.
• Headline: The Vatican's Vestments at The Met. Impact: The Vatican’s vestments making it to the Met could lead to a renaissance of religious fashion, turning priests into the new trendsetters in haute couture. Next up: Papal streetwear!. Fact: Fun fact: The Vatican has the original 'Holy Grail' of fashion—now if only they could get a few more designers to join the clergy!.
• Headline: A Fast-Food Problem: Where Have All the Teenagers Gone?. Impact: The disappearance of teenagers from fast-food jobs could trigger a global crisis of epic proportions, where restaurants are forced to hire robots, leading to the inevitable uprising of the sentient fry cook.. Fact: Apparently, teenagers are too busy with TikTok to flip burgers! Who knew social media could be more enticing than a minimum wage job?.
• Headline: Army Special Forces Secretly Help Saudis Combat Threat From Yemen Rebels. Impact: The quiet involvement of Green Berets in Saudi Arabia could lead to a future where international conflicts are settled by reality TV-style competitions, because why not make war entertaining?. Fact: Did you know that while we try to avoid wars, our Green Berets are basically the secret agents of 'Mission Impossible'? Just with less Tom Cruise and more tactical gear!.