APRIL 17, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Comey's Critique of Trump Unfolds Publicly. Impact: Comey's comments set off a chain reaction, leading to a bizarre timeline where every former FBI director starts writing tell-all books, resulting in a new genre called 'Fictionalized Non-Fiction'. Who knew that personal vendettas could be so lucrative?. Fact: Did you know Comey’s book sales actually spiked? Turns out, scandal sells better than a clearance sale at a used car lot!.
• Headline: Tech Firms Establish Digital Geneva Accord. Impact: This digital accord led to tech companies forming a secret society that meets in basements to discuss how to make the internet a better place, resulting in a bizarre new trend: tech companies sponsoring peace treaties.. Fact: Did you know that the first rule of the Digital Geneva Accord is: 'No one talks about the Digital Geneva Accord'? Oops, my bad!.
• Headline: Is Your Body Appropriate to Wear to School?. Impact: This incident sparked a global debate on body image and fashion standards, leading to the unexpected rise of 'Bandage Fashion', where the latest trend is literally wrapping oneself in gauze.. Fact: Did you know that dressing codes in schools are the only thing more outdated than your parents' taste in music? Seriously, who decided that bandaging was a fashion statement?.
• Headline: China Loosens Foreign Auto Rules, in Potential Peace Offering to Trump. Impact: China's auto rule changes turned out to be the opening act for a global electric car race, where the prize is a lifetime supply of soy sauce and a chance to drive a panda.. Fact: Did you know that loosening foreign auto rules was actually just a ploy to distract Trump from his golf game? Because nothing says diplomacy like a good round of 18!.