APRIL 11, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trump Considers Stronger Military Action in Syria. Impact: Had Trump opted for a more robust military action, it could have sparked a chain reaction leading to even more geopolitical chaos, potentially turning Syria into the world's longest-running reality show, 'Survivor: Middle East Edition'.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more explosive than military strikes is the amount of time politicians spend debating them? Spoiler alert: it's a lot..
• Headline: Zuckerberg's Congressional Testimony on Facebook. Impact: Zuckerberg's interrogation could have led to a mass awakening among lawmakers, resulting in a bizarre time where they actually understood technology and started using it to connect with constituents. Or, more likely, they just went back to ignoring it.. Fact: Fun fact: During that five-hour questioning, Zuckerberg managed to maintain a poker face that would make even the best professional poker players weep with envy..
• Headline: F.B.I. Investigates Michael Cohen's Affairs. Impact: Cohen's legal troubles could have catalyzed a wave of 'loyalists' reevaluating their life choices, leading to a mass exodus from loyalty to self-preservation. Imagine a world where everyone suddenly starts looking out for number one!. Fact: It's remarkable how many people suddenly become 'not aware' of things when the F.B.I. comes knocking. Coincidence? I think not!.
• Headline: What You Don’t Know About How Facebook Uses Your Data. Impact: The revelations about data tracking sparked a global movement of people deleting their accounts, only to realize they had signed up for even more invasive services—like carrying around a personal data collector in their pockets (hello, smartphones).. Fact: Did you know that Facebook knows more about your browsing habits than your closest friends? Good luck explaining that at your next dinner party!.
• Headline: Inside Milan’s Opulent Retirement Home for Musicians. Impact: This luxurious retirement home inspired a new trend of lavish living for retirees, leading to a future where every elderly person insists on their own personal string quartet while sipping overpriced tea. Because why not?. Fact: Casa Verdi is so fancy, it makes the average retirement home look like a college dorm—minus the pizza boxes and questionable hygiene, of course..