MARCH 28, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trump's Historic Trade Deal with South Korea. Impact: If Trump hadn’t secured this trade deal, South Korean scientists might have been too busy to invent the world’s first time machine, leading to a future where we all wear parachute pants and sip on neon-colored smoothies.. Fact: Did you know that trade deals are basically like adult agreements on who gets what toys at the playground? Spoiler alert: someone always ends up crying..
• Headline: Controversial Data Mining Tactics Exposed. Impact: Had this spy contractor not shared their genius idea, social media might have remained a harmless place for cat videos and political rants, delaying the rise of influencer culture by at least a decade. Imagine a world without avocado toast selfies!. Fact: Fun fact: Cambridge Analytica’s tactics were so effective they could convince a cat to endorse a dog food brand. Talk about cross-species marketing!.
• Headline: Viktor Orban's Influence on Hungary. Impact: Orban’s control over Hungarian society set a precedent that inspired other leaders worldwide, leading to a dystopian future where every country is governed by a reality TV star. Oh wait, we already live there!. Fact: Did you know that Viktor Orban once compared himself to a ‘chef’ cooking up democracy? Too bad he forgot the recipe for the ‘free press’ soufflé..
• Headline: Sessions and Kushner Square Off, and Prisoners Hang in the Balance. Impact: The battle between Sessions and Kushner over criminal justice policy may have inadvertently sparked a series of secret prison escape plans, leading to a reality show where inmates compete for freedom. Coming soon to a streaming service near you!. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more convoluted than the U.S. justice system is trying to understand what exactly Jared Kushner does for a living?.