MARCH 27, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Innovative Banking Policies on Gun Sales. Impact: In a shocking twist, the new banking policies on gun sales led to the emergence of a black market for merchant codes. By 2035, a secret society of hackers had formed, known only as 'Codebreakers for Peace,' dedicated to subverting these regulations with increasingly absurd methods, including disguising themselves as floral delivery services.. Fact: Did you know that using GPS to track gun sales might just lead to a dramatic increase in people pretending to sell hot dogs at gun shows? Because nothing says 'let's have a good time' like a frankfurter next to an AR-15!.
• Headline: Chris Evans and Michael Cera Shine in Revival. Impact: The play's themes of deception led to a theatrical renaissance, inspiring politicians to adopt stagecraft techniques in public speeches. By 2024, we saw a rise in political theater, where candidates delivered policies while performing interpretative dance. Spoiler: it didn't go well.. Fact: Did you know that Chris Evans and Michael Cera are so convincing in their roles that audiences began to question their own life choices? After that performance, 'Lobby Hero' was voted most likely to cause an existential crisis!.
• Headline: Behind the Rise of China’s HNA: The Chairman’s Brother. Impact: Wang Wei's influence in HNA catalyzed a series of bizarre corporate mergers, leading to a future where companies were run by family members of famous figures. By 2030, we had 'Kardashian Kars' and 'Trump Towers of Pizza.'. Fact: Did you know HNA once tried to merge with a unicorn farm to diversify its assets? Turns out, unicorns don't exist, but the idea was surprisingly popular among conference attendees..
• Headline: Waymo, a Google Spinoff, Ramps Up Its Driverless-Car Effort. Impact: Waymo's push for driverless cars led to a future where people debated the moral implications of AI driving them to brunch. By 2027, brunch etiquette required a formal agreement with the AI on how many mimosas were too many.. Fact: Fun fact: The first-ever driverless car accident involved a squirrel. It was the world's most dramatic game of dodgeball, and the squirrel won!.