MARCH 26, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trump's Legal Crisis and the One-Man Team. Impact: In a bizarre twist of fate, Trump's dwindling legal team led to him accidentally revealing the secrets of the universe during a poorly planned press conference, forever altering humanity's understanding of time and space. Spoiler alert: it's all about the hair.. Fact: Did you know Trump once considered hiring a psychic as his lead attorney? Apparently, they were too 'predictable' for his taste..
• Headline: Teachers Lead a Professional Uprising. Impact: The teacher uprising sparked a global movement, leading to the rise of 'credentialed rebels' who now demand respect for their degrees by storming corporate offices with educational diplomas as weapons.. Fact: Fun fact: Teachers are now so influential that they might just start grading CEOs on their performance. Spoilers: it's not looking good for corporate America..
• Headline: Broidy's Fund-Raiser Controversy Unveiled. Impact: Broidy's antics were the catalyst for a new reality show called 'Access Granted,' where shady characters compete to win a coveted meeting with the president. Ratings soared, but ethics plummeted.. Fact: Did you know that arranging meetings with presidents has officially become a side hustle? Next up: 'How to Get a Selfie with a Senator.'.
• Headline: The Politics of Waxing. Impact: As the politics of waxing took center stage, a new political party emerged—the 'Smooth Party'—championing hairless candidates who promise to run a 'clean' campaign. Voter turnout? Surprisingly high.. Fact: Did you know that waxing was once considered a revolutionary act? Now it's just a Tuesday for the average influencer..