MARCH 22, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Zuckerberg Addresses Trust Issues at Facebook. Impact: Zuckerberg's plea for trust led to a collective existential crisis among social media users, causing a wave of people to start using carrier pigeons instead of Facebook, ultimately leading to the rise of the Pigeon Post Postal Service in 2025. Who knew avian delivery would become the next tech boom?. Fact: Speaking of trust issues, did you know that in 2019, it was revealed that Facebook was tracking users even when they were logged out? Nothing says 'I respect your privacy' like stalking someone on the internet..
• Headline: Twins Clash Over Craft Brewing in Queens. Impact: The Beer Twins' feud sparked a nationwide craft beer rivalry that escalated into the Great Beer Wars of 2025, where breweries started using increasingly outrageous marketing tactics, including inflatable mascots and beer-scented cologne.. Fact: Twins have a unique bond, but one can be 'evil'? It’s just like that time at family gatherings where one sibling always ends up with the bigger slice of cake. Spoiler: It’s always the evil one..
• Headline: K.D. Lang's Impact on Pop Culture. Impact: K.D. Lang's rise as a pop idol set off a chain reaction that led to the eventual creation of the 'Butch Pop Idol Academy,' training the next generation of openly LGBTQ+ artists to take over the charts and the world, one leather jacket at a time.. Fact: K.D. Lang once performed at the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics, proving that she can break hearts and ice at the same time!.
• Headline: Sometimes the Little Old Watchmaker Has Circuitry. Impact: The reluctance of high-end watch brands to embrace automation led to the great 'Manual vs. Automatic' debate of 2026, which resulted in a black market for hand-wound watches, because apparently, hipster elitism knows no bounds.. Fact: Fun fact: The most expensive watch ever sold at auction is the Patek Philippe Grandmaster Chime, which costs over $31 million! Who knew that time could literally be bought?.