MARCH 20, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Niger Mission Ambush Investigation Insights. Impact: If only the warnings had been heeded, maybe the butterfly effect would have sent those officers on a tropical vacation instead of a bloody mission. But alas, here we are, and now we have a few more chapters in the 'How Not to Lead' handbook.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'bloody' is often used in British slang to emphasize frustration? Seems like the soldiers might have felt that way too!.
• Headline: Officer Promotions Amidst Lying Allegations. Impact: Promotions for lying officers? That's like giving a gold star for not showing up to class. This could lead to a future where honesty is a rare collectible, valued as highly as a Beanie Baby.. Fact: Fun fact: In some police departments, honesty is still considered a 'novelty item'—like a VHS player in 2023!.
• Headline: David Reich's DNA Discoveries of Humanity. Impact: Reich's discoveries could lead to a dramatic rewriting of human history, possibly resulting in a future where we all have to take a class on our ancestors' questionable fashion choices.. Fact: Did you know that the oldest known human remains were found in Africa? Apparently, our ancestors weren't fans of the 'urban sprawl' we deal with today!.
• Headline: California Housing Problems Are Spilling Across Its Borders. Impact: As California's housing problems spill over, we might see a new trend of 'California refugees' wearing cargo shorts and flip-flops, spreading their avocado toast obsession to unsuspecting cities across America.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'gentrification' comes from the word 'gentry'? So basically, it’s just fancy folks trying to turn your neighborhood into a hipster paradise!.
• Headline: Up, Up, Up Goes the Economy. Here’s What Could Knock It Down.. Impact: The economy's rise could inspire a new genre of motivational speeches—'How to Thrive While Everyone Else Crashes and Burns.' Just wait for the self-help books that will emerge.. Fact: Did you know that economists often predict 10 out of the last 5 recessions? It’s like they have a crystal ball that only shows the past!.