MARCH 17, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Florida Bridge Engineer Warned of Cracks. Impact: If only someone had heeded that voicemail, we might have avoided a massive bridge collapse. But alas, the butterflies flapped their wings too hard, and now future engineers will always double-check their voicemails before a construction project. Thanks, Florida!. Fact: Did you know that voice mails were once considered a cutting-edge technology? Now they're just a reminder that you might want to double-check your bridge designs..
• Headline: MacKinnon and Carlson on Workplace Culture. Impact: MacKinnon and Carlson could spark a revolution in workplace culture that sends shockwaves through corporate America. Just imagine future generations looking back and saying, 'They started it all with a talk about Miss America!'. Fact: Did you know that the Miss America pageant was originally created to promote Atlantic City? So much for promoting talent when you can promote... well, you know..
• Headline: Scott Pruitt, Trump’s Rule-Cutting E.P.A. Chief, Plots His Political Future. Impact: Pruitt's ambitions might just inspire a new wave of politicians who think environmental deregulation is the path to glory. Imagine a future where running for office means advocating for more plastic straws!. Fact: Did you know that 'czar' is just a fancy way of saying 'I have no idea what I'm doing, but I like the title' in politics? At least it's more entertaining than 'administrator.'.
• Headline: Federal Agency Courted Alcohol Industry to Fund Study on Benefits of Moderate Drinking. Impact: By cozying up to the alcohol industry, this study could lead to a world where beer commercials are seen as public service announcements. Just picture it: 'Drink responsibly, and you might just live forever!'. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'everything in moderation' was probably coined by someone who really loved dessert? Because clearly, we need more studies to validate our vices!.