MARCH 15, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hidden Conflict: U.S. Actions in Niger. Impact: The U.S. remaining tight-lipped about its military actions in Niger led to a series of secretive operations globally, creating a new trend in military discretion. This eventually inspired a Hollywood film starring a very confused Tom Hanks, who thought he was auditioning for a romantic comedy.. Fact: Did you know that the silence surrounding military operations is so loud that it practically has its own soundtrack? It's just the sound of democracy quietly unravelling..
• Headline: Joan Baez's Final Album Release. Impact: Joan Baez declaring she doesn't make history inadvertently sparked a global movement where celebrities began confusing their personal lives with historical epochs. Thanks to her, we now have 'Kim Kardashian: A New Era of Enlightenment' on every history syllabus.. Fact: Fun fact: Joan Baez could sing the phone book and still be considered a national treasure. Too bad no one actually uses phone books anymore!.
• Headline: Deadly Cyberattacks Threaten Saudi Petrochemicals. Impact: The cyberattack on Saudi Arabia's petrochemical industry sent ripples through the entire tech world, inspiring a new genre of cyberpunk literature where hackers become the unlikely heroes—because who doesn’t love a good plot twist?. Fact: Did you know that cyberattacks are like bad dates? They can blow up in your face and leave you questioning your life choices..
• Headline: ‘Open-Door’ Helicopters Are No Longer Flying Over New York City. What About Banning All Tourist Flights?. Impact: The ban on open-door helicopters in NYC led to a bizarre chain of events where tourists began taking selfies while dangling from buildings, thinking it was the new adrenaline sport. This eventually led to the establishment of 'Urban Bungee Jumping' as the next big trend.. Fact: Did you know that banning tourist helicopters is like putting a Band-Aid on a bullet wound? The pollution will still be there—just a little quieter..
• Headline: White House Penalizes Russians Over Election Meddling and Cyberattacks. Impact: The White House's penalties against Russia over election meddling turned into an international game of 'who can throw the best sanctions', which eventually led to a reality TV show called 'Sanction Survivor'—where countries compete for the harshest penalties.. Fact: Fun fact: Sanctions are like a bad breakup; they can leave you feeling cold and isolated, but at least you don't have to share your Netflix password anymore..