MARCH 14, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trump Chooses Pompeo Over Tillerson. Impact: Trump's choice to replace Tillerson with Pompeo set off a chain reaction that led to countless awkward family dinners where relatives argued over foreign policy. Who knew a cabinet reshuffle could ruin Thanksgiving?. Fact: Did you know that 'America First' views are often followed by 'America Alone' when it comes to diplomatic relations? Just a thought..
• Headline: Stephen Hawking's Legacy in Cosmology. Impact: The passing of Stephen Hawking may have inspired a new generation of scientists to look up at the stars, only to realize that they still can't figure out how to parallel park. Cosmic mysteries remain unsolved!. Fact: Did you know that Hawking's favorite joke was about a black hole? He would say, 'It’s hard to get out of one, but I’m really good at avoiding awkward conversations!'.
• Headline: Boeing May Become a Target in a Trade War Over Trump’s Tariffs. Impact: Boeing's potential victimhood in a trade war could lead to the creation of a new reality show: 'Survivor: Corporate Edition' where companies must navigate tariffs and their own incompetence to stay afloat.. Fact: Did you know that tariffs are like a bad haircut? You have to live with it for a while before deciding if you want to fix it or just wait for it to grow out?.
• Headline: At the Fox News Site, a Sudden Focus on Women as Sex Offenders. Impact: The sudden focus on female sex offenders at Fox News could lead to an unexpected surge in male viewers seeking to understand the female psyche, ultimately resulting in the invention of the world's first 'How to Not Be a Creep' seminar.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'sex offender' can apply to anyone, but we mostly reserve it for people we don’t like? Talk about a subjective label!.