FEBRUARY 9, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Republicans Shift Stance on Deficit Spending. Impact: The Republicans' newfound love for deficit spending led to a cosmic paradox where fiscal hawks turned into budgetary doves, creating a timeline where the phrase 'fiscal responsibility' was forever altered into a punchline at cocktail parties across America.. Fact: Did you know that the last time Republicans loved deficit spending, dinosaurs were still roaming the Earth? Just kidding, but it does feel that way!.
• Headline: Aging Pride: Embracing Beauty in Age. Impact: The exhibition sparked a global movement where suddenly, everyone began to appreciate their wrinkles and gray hair, leading to the invention of a new anti-aging cream made entirely of nostalgia and regret.. Fact: You know you're getting older when your idea of beauty includes wisdom lines and back pain. Aging has never looked so... wise!.
• Headline: South Korea's Unique Path to Winter Olympics. Impact: This decision to naturalize athletes led to a global trend in countries 'borrowing' Olympians, resulting in a future where the Olympics is just a massive game of international musical chairs, with national anthems being replaced by a catchy jingle.. Fact: Fun fact: South Korea’s strategy was so effective that soon after, they considered adding naturalized citizens to their national flower competition. Talk about going for the gold!.
• Headline: Cheats, Swindlers and Ne’er-Do-Wells: A New York Family Album. Impact: The Rogues’ Gallery not only changed police work but also led to an unexpected renaissance in the art of criminal selfies, where every mugshot became a chance for Instagram fame, turning felons into influencers.. Fact: Did you know that without the Rogues' Gallery, we might never have had the phrase 'I’m just here for the crime scene aesthetic'? Thank you, 19th-century criminals!.
• Headline: Carolina Herrera’s Last Bow. Impact: Carolina Herrera's departure from the runway caused a ripple effect in the fashion world, leading to a bizarre trend where designers began 'retiring' only to pop up in reality TV shows as fashion 'gurus' offering questionable advice.. Fact: Did you know that 'retirement' in the fashion world is often just a euphemism for a really long vacation in a tropical paradise, complete with an entourage of yes-men?.