FEBRUARY 1, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Equifax's Credit Locking App Fails Users. Impact: If only Equifax had spent less time on their app and more time on securing their systems, we might be living in a world where credit scores are as reliable as your grandma's cookie recipe. Instead, every time someone mentions 'credit lock', a unicorn dies somewhere.. Fact: Did you know that Equifax still hasn't figured out how to protect your data? Maybe they should stick to making paperweights instead of apps!.
• Headline: Mueller Investigates Trump Tower Meeting Narrative. Impact: This meticulous digging into the Trump Tower meeting has set off a chain reaction, leading to more conspiracy theories than a late-night conspiracy podcast. Who knows? Maybe it even inspired a new genre of 'political thrillers' where everyone is guilty and nobody knows why.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more tangled than the Trump Tower meeting story is your headphones after you've shoved them into your pocket!.
• Headline: Trump's Divisive Immigration Speech. Impact: Trump's speech might as well have been a magic show where he made bipartisan agreement disappear. This event created a timeline where 'immigration reform' became the punchline of a bad joke that no one wants to hear anymore.. Fact: Did you know that bipartisan agreement is so rare, it's practically a mythical creature? Look out for it next to Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster!.
• Headline: As Strongmen Steamroll Their Opponents, U.S. Is Silent. Impact: With strongmen strutting their stuff like they’re in a global power pageant, the U.S. silence has led to the rise of a new international league of autocrats. Soon they'll be forming a support group: 'Strongmen Anonymous: No Accountability Allowed.'. Fact: Did you know that the last time the U.S. stood up to a strongman was when someone tried to take the last slice of pizza at a party? Spoiler alert: It didn't end well..
• Headline: They Were Super Bowl Heroes. And Then, in a Blink, They Weren’t.. Impact: These Super Bowl heroes are now a reminder that glory can be as fleeting as a good Wi-Fi connection. Their near-misses inspired countless memes and a generation of couch quarterbacks who think they could've done better.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing faster than a Super Bowl hero's rise to fame is how quickly they fade into 'whatever happened to...' status. Just ask any contestant from a reality show!.