JANUARY 30, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Awards Shows and Political Commentary Clash. Impact: Hillary's brief appearance sparked a tidal wave of celebrity political activism, leading to future award shows being more like political rallies, where acceptance speeches are just long-winded policy debates interspersed with awkward dance breaks.. Fact: Did you know that in the future, award shows will feature holograms of politicians giving 'thank you' speeches? Because nothing says 'art' like a ghostly figure discussing tax reform..
• Headline: Ken Chenault Joins General Catalyst Partners. Impact: Ken Chenault’s shift towards Silicon Valley in 2020 led to an unexpected rise in venture capitalists wearing hoodies and flip-flops, forever altering the business casual dress code. Who knew comfort would become the new power suit?. Fact: Fun fact: In the future, venture capitalists will start giving out 'business casual' awards to the most comfortably dressed entrepreneurs. Because why not reward mediocrity?.
• Headline: Kodak's Cryptocurrency Experiment Explained. Impact: Kodak’s foray into cryptocurrency resulted in a bizarre future where every photo is paid for in digital tokens, leading to a shortage of people willing to take selfies unless they were compensated adequately. Welcome to the age of the selfie economy!. Fact: Did you know that Kodak's cryptocurrency will eventually lead to a new profession called 'digital photo brokers'? You know, for those who can't even afford the price of nostalgia..
• Headline: The D.I.Y. Country House. Impact: The rise of the D.I.Y. country house movement inadvertently led to a nationwide shortage of home improvement shows, as everyone decided they were 'experts' in renovation—resulting in countless homes resembling Pinterest fails.. Fact: Surprisingly, in the future, reality TV will pivot to a genre called 'D.I.Y. Disasters,' where people document how their homes fell apart after they tried to install a ceiling fan using only a YouTube tutorial..
• Headline: What Radicalizes Young Men? This Show Tells You via WhatsApp. Impact: The exploration of radicalization through a messaging app opened the floodgates for future theatrical productions to challenge societal norms, leading to an era where audiences were more engaged in texting than watching the actual performance.. Fact: In the near future, theatergoers will be required to pay a 'no phones' fee just to ensure they actually pay attention. Who knew art would turn into a battle against Instagram?.