JANUARY 24, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Impact of Trump's Solar Tariffs. Impact: If Trump hadn't clouded the solar industry with tariffs, we might have been living in a solar-powered utopia by now... or at least arguing about how to install solar panels on our flying cars.. Fact: The sun provides enough energy in one hour to power the entire planet for a year. Too bad we let a tariff get in the way of our solar future!.
• Headline: Immigration Deal Stalled Amid Government Shutdown. Impact: Schumer's declaration that the border wall was 'off the table' might've led to a future where politicians learned to communicate without tantrums, but alas, we're still waiting for that alternate timeline.. Fact: The original concept of a wall was just a really bad metaphor for communication barriers, but here we are, still building literal ones..
• Headline: Bipartisan Efforts Restore Immigration Debate. Impact: If senators had succeeded in protecting immigrants, we could have seen a future where bipartisan cooperation was the norm, and 'politics' was a synonym for 'friendship.'. Fact: Senators are like rare Pokémon – they only seem to evolve when there's a crisis, and even then, they're not guaranteed to become useful..
• Headline: About That Joint: Marijuana Start-Ups Pass. Impact: The rise of marijuana start-ups could lead to a future where everyone is too relaxed to argue about politics, creating a utopia of peace... or just a lot of really chill people munching on snacks.. Fact: Marijuana has been used for thousands of years; it's basically the oldest startup in history, just without the fancy VC funding and high-powered pitch decks..