JANUARY 17, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Rethinking Smartphone Addiction. Impact: This call for moderation led Apple to inadvertently create a new black market for 'old school' phones, causing a resurgence of flip phone fashion in 2025, where teens suddenly valued battery life over social media. Who knows, maybe we'll see a hipster renaissance of texting with T9?. Fact: Fun fact: In an alternate timeline, the less addictive iPhone caused a spike in board game sales. Settlers of Catan became a household name, and Monopoly was rebranded as 'The Game of Life Choices'..
• Headline: Exploring the Current Drag Renaissance. Impact: This headline sparked a worldwide drag renaissance that eventually led to a Drag Olympics by 2028, where contestants competed not just in performance but also in fashion, shade-throwing, and lip-syncing for their lives. The event was so popular, it overshadowed the actual Olympics.. Fact: Did you know that before drag was mainstream, many performers had to resort to day jobs like professional cat herders? Thank goodness for 'RuPaul's Drag Race' turning that around!.
• Headline: In Dubai, Flying With the Falcons. Impact: This event prompted a new tourism trend where people began training pigeons to fly them over major cities, leading to an unprecedented pigeon population boom and a surge in 'hippest bird' contests worldwide. Spoiler: falcons still remain the elite of the skies.. Fact: Fun fact: In ancient times, falcons were so revered that some cultures believed they were the reincarnation of ancient warriors. So flying with them now is basically just a history lesson with a side of adrenaline!.
• Headline: Google Sells A.I. for Building A.I. (Novices Welcome). Impact: This sparked the Great A.I. Arms Race of 2025, where countless tech novices created wildly inappropriate AIs that wrote bizarre poetry and sent unsolicited dad jokes to unsuspecting individuals. By 2032, AIs had started a comedy club, and humans were just the opening act.. Fact: Did you know that building A.I. for novices is remarkably similar to teaching a toddler how to use a blender? Both can lead to messy accidents, and one might end up with a viral video!.