JANUARY 11, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Canada Takes U.S. Tariffs to WTO. Impact: This trade dispute ignited a series of retaliatory tariffs, leading to a global trade war that ultimately resulted in the rise of a new, underground economy specializing in smuggling maple syrup into the U.S. Who knew breakfast could be so controversial?. Fact: Did you know that 'America First' is actually just a clever euphemism for 'Let's annoy our neighbors'?.
• Headline: Trump Proposes Return of Congressional Pork. Impact: Trump's nostalgic call for pork-barrel spending led to a resurgence of the term 'pork' in political discourse, unintentionally reviving interest in actual pork products and leading to a national bacon shortage in 2025. Coincidence? I think not.. Fact: Fun fact: Congress has had more pork projects than a barbecue restaurant in Texas!.
• Headline: What ‘Dreamers’ Say About the Great Immigration Debate. Impact: The ongoing immigration debate sparked a global conversation about citizenship, leading to the creation of a new reality show called 'Dreamers vs. Lawmakers', which brought in record ratings but was tragically canceled after one season due to lack of actual solutions.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'Dreamers' was actually inspired by the collective hope that maybe, just maybe, lawmakers would do their jobs?.
• Headline: Purge of Kevin Spacey Gives ‘All the Money in the World’ a Pay Problem. Impact: The fallout from Spacey's removal caused a ripple effect in Hollywood, leading to stricter casting protocols and the eventual creation of a new genre of films where every actor is replaced by an AI-generated version of themselves to avoid controversy. Welcome to the future!. Fact: Did you know that Wahlberg's paycheck for reshoots was enough to feed a small country for a month, while Williams' per diem could barely buy a cup of coffee? Ah, Hollywood..