JANUARY 4, 2018

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trump Disbands Voter Fraud Commission. Impact: By disbanding the commission, Trump inadvertently set off a series of events that led to the creation of countless conspiracy theories. In an alternate timeline, the commission's dissolution sparked an underground movement where citizens started their own investigations, leading to a pop culture phenomenon of amateur sleuthing and 'Voter Fraud: The Musical!'. Fact: Did you know that in the world of politics, 'substantial evidence' often means 'I have a gut feeling'? It's a real skill!.
• Headline: Diplomatic Talks on the Korean Peninsula Heat Up. Impact: As North and South Korea began to talk, Trump watching from the sidelines was like a kid at a school dance, desperately trying to look cool while everyone else paired up. This led to a future where the U.S. became the awkward relative at family reunions between the Koreas.. Fact: Fun fact: Diplomatic talks are like texting your ex—you really hope things don't get awkward, but everyone knows they will..
• Headline: Cuomo's Strategic Vision for 2018 Election. Impact: Cuomo's eye on Trump changed the political landscape dramatically, leading to a future where politicians constantly look over their shoulders instead of focusing on their own states. This resulted in a new political sport: 'Dodge the Trump'!. Fact: Did you know that in politics, 'charting a course' often just means spinning around in circles until the next election?.
• Headline: Review: In ‘The Chi,’ a Young Man Dies, and the Ripples Spread. Impact: The death in 'The Chi' set off a chain reaction of storytelling that emphasized the impact of violence on community. This ripple effect spawned a genre of shows where characters just try to survive in a world filled with drama—some might say it's a bit too close to reality, but hey, at least there's a lot of great acting!. Fact: It's a harsh reality: sometimes, the most impactful stories are the ones that reflect the violence of life. But hey, at least they get awards!.
• Headline: The Greatest Figure Skater Ever Is Michael Jackson on Ice, Surrounded by Winnie the Poohs. Impact: Michael Jackson on ice became a cultural touchstone that sparked a bizarre trend of mixing childhood nostalgia with adult talent shows. In a future timeline, we see a championship where contestants skate while dressed as cartoon characters, leading to a rise in therapy for both participants and audience members.. Fact: Did you know that figure skating is the only sport where you can literally fall on your face and still be celebrated for your artistry? It's like politics, but with sequins!.