DECEMBER 19, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Subway Bombing Suspect's Unexpected Journey. Impact: Had this suspect not taken a detour to help refugees, the global perception of terrorist motivations might have remained one-dimensional. Who knows? Maybe that bus ride inspired a future movement for peace, or at least a really awkward TED Talk.. Fact: It's funny how a single act of kindness can make people question everything they thought they knew about someone's character. Kind of like when you find out your favorite villain has a pet cat..
• Headline: Trump's Judicial Nominees Withdraw Amid Controversy. Impact: This debacle likely sparked a nationwide movement of 'How not to apply for a job,' leading to millions of failed interviews and a sudden surge in self-help books about 'Basic Courtroom Etiquette.'. Fact: You would think that basic courtroom questions would be part of a judge's job description. But hey, who needs qualifications when you have Twitter followers?.
• Headline: Tax Cuts: Who Really Benefits?. Impact: This announcement probably led to a series of high-stakes dinner parties where the ultra-rich lamented their woes over caviar and champagne, triggering a new social movement: 'Taxation for the Poorly Depressed.'. Fact: It turns out, being merely rich is like being the kid who sits at the 'not cool enough' table in the cafeteria of wealth. Sad, yet somehow relatable!.
• Headline: ‘The Last Jedi’ and You: What Fans Think of the Newest Chapter. Impact: The divide between critics and fans likely reshaped the entire landscape of movie studios, leading to a future where they just put out the movies with the most explosions and least character development. Because who needs depth, right?. Fact: Remember when fans had to wait a year for sequels? Now they just argue on the internet while simultaneously planning their next binge-watch!.
• Headline: China Unveils an Ambitious Plan to Curb Climate Change Emissions. Impact: This bold move may have caused a ripple effect, inspiring other countries to finally take climate change seriously. Or it might just have led to a bunch of politicians holding press conferences while doing absolutely nothing. Stay tuned!. Fact: In a world where the biggest polluter decides to change its ways, you have to wonder: is this the start of something good or just the universe’s way of testing our patience?.