DECEMBER 12, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Frat House Culture in Congress Exposed. Impact: If only Congressman Farenthold had opted for a book club instead of a frat house, we might have avoided an entire generation of political scandals. But hey, at least he provided content for future reality TV shows!. Fact: Did you know that some believe 'frat culture' influences political decision-making? Imagine if Congress had a beer pong tournament instead of debates!.
• Headline: Broadcom's Deal: Jobs at Risk?. Impact: Broadcom's headquarters moving to the U.S. could have led to a future where tech jobs proliferated, but instead, we may just see a rise in barista positions at hipster coffee shops as tech moves overseas – cheers to irony!. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more inflated than tech company valuations is the number of job promises they make? Spoiler alert: they rarely deliver!.
• Headline: Unibail-Rodamco's Ambitious Acquisition. Impact: This acquisition could signal a return of the mall culture, which may lead to a revival of the 90s, complete with frosted tips and belly button piercings. Can't wait for those awkward family trips to the food court!. Fact: Did you know that the average American spends about 38 hours a year just looking for parking at malls? Clearly, the real shopping experience is in the quest for a decent spot!.
• Headline: Sexual Harassment Cases Show the Ineffectiveness of Going to H.R.. Impact: The ineffectiveness of HR departments could lead to a future where employees form their own 'Employee Rights Avengers' teams, fighting against injustice with capes made of corporate policy manuals.. Fact: Did you know that HR stands for 'Horribly Reluctant'? Because let's face it, they’re usually more about damage control than actual employee protection!.
• Headline: Trump’s Combative Denials Again Draw Him Into the Sexual Harassment Debate. Impact: Trump's ongoing denials could ignite a future where political debates are just a series of increasingly absurd accusations, leading to a 'Blame Olympics' where everyone competes for the gold medal in deflection.. Fact: Did you know that the average person spends 80% of their time in denial? Guess that's why political debates feel so much like a therapy session gone wrong!.