DECEMBER 10, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: E.P.A. Enforcement Changes Under Trump. Impact: By slowing actions against polluters, Trump inadvertently set a chain reaction leading to the Great Plastic Patch of 2030, where dolphins started wearing flip-flops made of ocean waste, believing it made them more stylish.. Fact: Did you know the E.P.A. once took enforcement seriously? Shocking, I know, but it's like finding out that unicorns were once the top choice for transportation..
• Headline: Alabama Senate Race Sees Democratic Surge. Impact: The influx of liberal outsiders into Alabama unexpectedly led to the creation of the first-ever ‘Peach State Political Dance-off,’ where candidates must now battle it out on the dance floor to win votes.. Fact: Alabama's Senate race is so unpredictable that even the weather patterns are confused. It's the only place where a tornado might vote for a candidate..
• Headline: Controversy Surrounds Map of America Auction. Impact: The controversy over the authenticity of the first map of America resulted in a secret society of cartographers forming, claiming they hold the 'True Map' which is said to lead to a hidden treasure of lost landmarks.. Fact: Maps used to be the hot new thing in the 1500s. Now, if you show someone a map, they might just ask you if it’s an app..
• Headline: As Brexit Looms, Paris Tries a Business Makeover. Impact: Paris's efforts to replace red tape with a red carpet inadvertently spawned the annual 'Red Carpet Run,' where bureaucrats race to cut ribbons while juggling paperwork and croissants.. Fact: Paris is known for its romantic atmosphere, but apparently, they think giving a business a red carpet is the equivalent of a love letter. Who knew the economy was so needy?.
• Headline: Nikki Haley Says Women Who Accuse Trump of Misconduct ‘Should Be Heard’. Impact: Haley's comments caused a ripple in the political landscape, leading to a new trend where politicians now have to host 'Truth or Dare' sessions with voters to gain trust.. Fact: In politics, 'should be heard' is code for 'let me pretend to care while I plan my next vacation.'.