DECEMBER 6, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trump and Moore Highlight G.O.P. Disarray. Impact: When Trump endorsed Roy Moore, it sent ripples through the GOP that led to an increase in conspiracy theories, an uptick in 'alternative facts', and a sudden demand for stress balls in congressional offices. Who knew chaos could be so... chaotic?. Fact: Did you know that chaos is the new black in politics? It's like a fashion trend that nobody asked for but everyone seems to be wearing anyway!.
• Headline: Rise of Luxury E-Tail in 2017. Impact: The death of retail sparked a revolution in online shopping, leading to the rise of luxury e-tail empires, which ultimately resulted in people wearing pajamas for all occasions and forgetting how to socialize in physical stores. Thanks, Amazon!. Fact: Fun fact: The last time people tried to shop in person, they mistook 'retail therapy' for a form of exercise. Spoiler alert: It wasn't..
• Headline: Tax Cuts Advocacy Faces Public Resistance. Impact: Conservative groups struggling to sell tax cuts to the public led to a nationwide increase in skepticism about politicians, resulting in a new trend of voters questioning everything from their grocery lists to the very fabric of reality. If only they had a magic wand!. Fact: Did you know convincing people that tax cuts are good for them is like trying to sell ice to penguins? Spoiler: It rarely works!.
• Headline: The Hidden Player Spurring a Wave of Cheap Consumer Devices: Amazon. Impact: Amazon's push for cheap consumer devices not only made gadgets accessible to everyone, but it also led to the invention of a new sport: competitive unboxing. Future historians will marvel at our obsession with cardboard boxes.. Fact: Fun fact: The average American now spends more time watching unboxing videos than they do unboxing their own purchases. Priorities, right?.
• Headline: Trump Calls Jerusalem Plan Step Toward Peace, but It Puts Mideast on Edge. Impact: Trump's Jerusalem plan set off a chain reaction of diplomatic tensions that made every Middle Eastern conflict feel like a game of Jenga, where one wrong move could lead to a lot of messy blocks and tears. Who knew one embassy could cause so much drama?. Fact: Did you know that moving an embassy is like rearranging furniture in a haunted house? You might think it's harmless, but the ghosts of history might not agree!.