DECEMBER 2, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: NBC's Response to Matt Lauer's Firing. Impact: The firing of Lauer sent shockwaves through the television industry, leading to a boom in 'How to Not Be a Creepy Boss' seminars, which are now mandatory for all executives. In 2025, these seminars are credited with reducing workplace awkwardness by 87%—but only in the entertainment sector.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'to control the damage' was actually coined by NBC executives? It was originally meant to describe their attempts to manage the fallout from bad coffee choices in the break room..
• Headline: Tax Cuts vs. Debt: A Republican Shift. Impact: This marked the beginning of the Great Debt Distraction, where future generations would be forced to navigate a world where 'debt' became a euphemism for 'fun money.' By 2040, economists will be studying the correlation between tax cuts and the rise of 'Debt Denial Therapy.'. Fact: Did you know that the average American's understanding of fiscal policy is now measured in 'pizza slices'? Because nothing says 'economic literacy' like figuring out how many slices you can afford after tax cuts..
• Headline: A White House in Uncertainty. Impact: Flynn’s plea caused a massive ripple effect, leading to a nationwide trend of 'Guilty Plea Parties' where people celebrate by admitting their own minor transgressions. In 2028, we find that confessing to stealing office supplies is the new bonding experience.. Fact: Did you know that 'pleading guilty' is actually a great way to get out of awkward small talk? Just try it next time someone asks you about your weekend plans..
• Headline: Yankees Choose Aaron Boone to Be Their Next Manager. Impact: Hiring Boone sparked a chain reaction that shifted the balance of power in baseball management, leading to a bizarre trend of teams hiring former players with zero experience, ultimately resulting in a World Series managed by a cat in 2035.. Fact: Did you know that Boone's selection was controversial? Some argued it was like hiring a toddler to run a daycare. But hey, at least he knows how to swing a bat!.