DECEMBER 1, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trump's Push to End Russia Inquiry. Impact: In an alternate timeline, if the inquiry had continued, the GOP might have turned into a reality TV show, complete with weekly drama episodes and cliffhangers. Instead, they opted for a swift cancellation, leading to a rise in conspiracy theories and a sudden spike in tinfoil hat sales.. Fact: Did you know that 'Russia' is just the word 'surprise' in a really, really long form? Because that investigation sure was a surprise to everyone..
• Headline: Uma Thurman in The Parisian Woman Review. Impact: This review sparked a new trend in cinema where every character is trapped in a political drama, leading to a dystopian genre where every film ends with a 30-minute debate on Twitter instead of a resolution.. Fact: Fun fact: Uma Thurman is actually a time traveler, and she got stuck in this particular timeline due to a malfunctioning time machine. Who knew politics could be so riveting?.
• Headline: Museums and Controversial Donors Debates. Impact: This led to museums becoming more like exclusive clubs, where only donors with squeaky clean records could get in, ultimately resulting in a black market for 'clean' art donations. The Louvre now has a secret handshake.. Fact: Did you know the Sacklers once tried to donate a giant statue of a pill bottle to the Met? They thought it would be a real conversation starter. A conversation about ethics, that is..
• Headline: In Japan, Ohtani Is a Special Player but Definitely Not Babe Ruth. Impact: If Ohtani had been embraced as the next Babe Ruth, Japan might have entered an era of baseball where every player was required to hit with one hand and pitch with the other, resulting in a very confused generation of athletes.. Fact: Did you know that in Japan, they have a special term for players like Ohtani? It’s called 'not doomed by comparisons,' which is pretty much the opposite of how Americans feel about their sports legends..