NOVEMBER 26, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Glacial Meltdown Fuels Peru's Desert Growth. Impact: As the glaciers melt, farmers in Peru discover the joys of irrigation, leading to an unexpected boom in quinoa exports. Little do they know, this will eventually lead to 'Quinoa Wars' in the 2040s, as hipsters fight over the last remaining seeds.. Fact: Did you know that the melting glaciers are actually just the earth's way of trying to get us to stop using plastic straws? Not working, huh?.
• Headline: Moon Ownership and Space Entrepreneurship. Impact: The confusion over moon ownership leads to a new lunar gold rush, resulting in the first interplanetary lawsuit. Cue the lawyers who never actually went to space but are now charging astronomical fees.. Fact: Did you know that the Outer Space Treaty was signed before most people even knew how to use a fax machine? Talk about outdated regulations!.
• Headline: Pressure Mounts to Unveil Harassment Secrets. Impact: The pressure to end secrecy leads to a dramatic increase in whistleblower protection laws, which somehow also opens the floodgates for every disgruntled employee to air their grievances. Thanks, Congress!. Fact: Did you know that John Conyers was like the magician of Congress? He made taxpayer money disappear faster than you can say 'settlement'!.
• Headline: Eye-Openers in London: 19th-Century Women With 21st-Century Problems. Impact: The revival of these plays sparks a feminist renaissance, leading to a world where women no longer put up with dominating men—until they realize the power dynamics just shift and now it's cats ruling the world instead.. Fact: Did you know that if Karl Marx had a Twitter account, his favorite hashtag would probably be #CapitalismSucks? But then again, he wouldn't have had any followers..