NOVEMBER 20, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Doug Jones' Lone Bid in Alabama Senate Race. Impact: If Doug Jones had received just a smidgen more help, the Democratic Party might have found a time machine to revive itself instead of continuing to dwindle into oblivion. Who knew political momentum could be so fragile? Maybe they should invest in bubble wrap.. Fact: Did you know that Alabama once had a Senate candidate whose platform included actual unicorns? Just kidding. It was just Doug Jones hoping for divine intervention..
• Headline: Mugabe's Quick Downfall Explained. Impact: Mugabe's rapid fall sent shockwaves through the political landscape, leading future dictators to invest heavily in loyalty training for their vice presidents. Because nothing says 'loyalty' like keeping your enemies closer—like, in a vault.. Fact: Did you know that Mugabe's reign lasted so long that it’s now a benchmark for political endurance? Politicians everywhere are now asking, 'Can I beat that?'.
• Headline: Charles Manson Dies at 83; Wild-Eyed Leader of a Murderous Crew. Impact: Charles Manson's death marked the end of an era, but it inadvertently led to a surge in true crime documentaries. Thanks to him, couch potatoes everywhere are now historians in the making, dissecting his followers' poor life choices.. Fact: Did you know that Charles Manson once tried to launch a music career? Clearly, he should have stuck to his day job—if only he had one..
• Headline: In Mexico, Not Dead. Not Alive. Just Gone.. Impact: Every person who disappears due to the drug war contributes to an ever-growing mystery that eventually leads to a Netflix series. In 50 years, historians will argue over the best theories, while families continue to search for answers.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'not dead, not alive, just gone' could also describe my enthusiasm for Monday mornings? It’s a universal sentiment..