NOVEMBER 16, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Da Vinci Painting Breaks Auction Records. Impact: This monumental sale triggered a worldwide frenzy over art investments, leading to a bizarre future where people began hoarding not just paintings, but also comic books and vintage lunchboxes, all in the hopes of striking it rich. Somewhere in the 22nd century, a lunchbox fetches a cool billion.. Fact: Did you know that the painting’s flaws were probably more valuable than the painting itself? It’s like selling an old car that has 'character' and calling it a classic..
• Headline: Koch Brothers Back Meredith's Time Inc. Bid. Impact: This merger led to an absurd future where the Koch Brothers became the unwitting puppet masters of a new media empire, eventually resulting in a dystopian reality where all news is sponsored by their favorite brands. Welcome to 'Koch News Network,' where the weather is always sunny and the headlines are always favorable.. Fact: Did you know that the Koch Brothers' investment strategy is often considered as risky as giving your cat a bath? You might end up wet, scratched, and with a lot of unanswered questions..
• Headline: Review: John Leguizamo Goes for Easy Laughs in ‘Latin History’. Impact: Leguizamo's comedic take on history inspired a whole generation of comedians to explore their roots, leading to a future where every ethnic group had to have a stand-up special just to keep up. Next up? 'The Epic Chronicles of the Banana.'. Fact: Did you know that laughing at oppression doesn’t make it disappear? But it does make for a great Netflix special that your relatives will awkwardly discuss at family gatherings..
• Headline: Jet Pilot Might Not Seem Like a ‘Gig,’ but at Ryanair, It Is. Impact: This revelation sparked a wave of interest in alternative careers, resulting in a future where everyone considers becoming a pilot, leading to an oversaturation of the market and a desperate need for 'Ryanair: The Musical' to fill the void.. Fact: Did you know that flying for Ryanair is like a relationship with a cat? You never know when you'll be canceled, but you'll definitely end up in a weird situation that you didn’t sign up for..