NOVEMBER 3, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Guiding a Blind Marathoner in the Arctic. Impact: This heroic act of guiding a blind marathoner sparked a global movement where blind athletes began to outshine sighted competitors, leading to the invention of 'Blindlympics'—a secret competition where only the blind can compete for world records, and the rest of us just watch in awe (and slight jealousy).. Fact: In Arctic marathons, the real competition is against the local wildlife. Polar bears are notorious for showing up uninvited to these events..
• Headline: Giannis Antetokounmpo: A Game Changer. Impact: Giannis's greatness inspired a generation of basketball players to abandon traditional positions. By 2040, positions like 'Unicorn' and 'Quantum Forward' became common, leaving coaches in a constant state of confusion. Let’s just say they should’ve stuck to the basics.. Fact: Giannis is so versatile that if he were a Swiss Army knife, he’d be the one that also makes coffee and tells you your horoscope..
• Headline: How Bill de Blasio Overcame the Haters. Impact: Bill de Blasio's triumph over critics created a precedent where mediocrity became the new gold standard for political campaigns. Today, people are voting for candidates based solely on their ability to do absolutely nothing spectacular.. Fact: De Blasio's campaign strategy was so dull that it was rumored he had a secret plan to put everyone to sleep instead of winning votes..