NOVEMBER 2, 2017

Full News Archive

• Headline: Saipov's Journey to Radicalism Uncovered. Impact: This one guy's frustrations lead to a global debate on immigration and radicalization, which in turn inspires a slew of conspiracy theorists to write entire books on 'why we should all just live in bubbles.'. Fact: Did you know that winning the immigration lottery doesn't actually come with a guide on how to not become a radical? Shocking, right?.
• Headline: Brett Ratner Faces Sexual Misconduct Allegations. Impact: This event set off a chain reaction in Hollywood, where suddenly every 'prominent' figure found themselves checking their closets for skeletons, or in some cases, entire graveyards.. Fact: Fun fact: Hollywood's annual 'Let's Deny Everything' party has now been replaced by an awkward support group called 'What Were We Thinking?'.
• Headline: A Disappearance in Berlin Clouds a Trade Deal in Vietnam. Impact: This mysterious disappearance sends shockwaves through diplomatic circles, leading to a new trend of nations hiring professional 'disappearing acts' to spice up their trade negotiations.. Fact: Fun fact: Vietnam's trade deals are now so complicated that even their calculators have started asking for a raise..
• Headline: The N.F.L.’s Most Valuable Player Might Be ... a Punter?. Impact: This revelation leads to the NFL's new marketing campaign: 'Punt Like a Pro!' which inspires millions of kids to pick up punting instead of the actual game.. Fact: Did you know punters have a special place in the hearts of fans? It's right next to 'the guy who brings snacks,' equally underappreciated..